a clean start

Final prayers have been sung, the shofar has been blown, the sun has gone down, I've eaten a giant break-fast, and I recognize many more Hebrew words at a glance than I did a week ago. Yom Kippur is over. This was a surprisingly easy Yom Kippur - I had a relatively easy fast, and I didn't have anything major that I felt I wanted to atone for. It was very different from last year, which happened when I was still in the midst of learning how to forgive my surgeon for his mistakes. That was an intensely painful process. This year was MUCH easier in comparison.

Yom Kippur came at an interesting time this year, three days before Segment 4 starts. For the past month and half or so since I realized Segment 4 was coming up soon, I've been panicking about it. I realized that since the last two segments were so physically and emotionally demanding for me, I unconsciously blocked Feldenkrais all summer. I didn't think about it, I didn't practice it unless someone asked me to practice on them, I didn't read anything by Moshe... It even got to a point where I would notice that I was falling back into some bad habit and in physical pain, but despite being able to help myself pretty easily, I didn't do anything about it. So, since August I've spent a lot of time worrying about how I would get back into it, and especially how I would find the necessary mindset.

A couple of days ago, I realized a strange paradox. If I try to put myself into a Feldenkrais mindset, I will just get worked up and worried about it, and not be able to get anywhere with it. However, if I decide to just show up at class knowing it'll be totally different from "real life", I can let the mindset find me. I'm learning how to not overthink things, so I'm opting for the second choice. It seems appropriate with Yom Kippur so close to the start of class.