Segment 6, Day 20: intersecting calendars

We are officially done with Year 3. That's a scary thought. It means I only have a year of this left and then I'm left to my own devices to figure out what to do with it. Luckily the sense of community that's formed over the last three years among our classmates is strong enough that no one will get left out in the cold when we graduate. It's a really fantastic group of people.

It's interesting that today, along with being the end of Year 3, is Yom Kippur. I usually really enjoy Yom Kippur services, but have decided not to go tonight. After a month of deep self-reflection in a community I feel very close to, I don't feel the need to go to services for a couple of days of self-reflection. Since I don't go to services regularly, I don't have a particularly strong sense of community at synagogue and it is not a normal social setting for me. I have to figure out what to do with myself there. If I'm awake enough for it tonight, I'd rather go out blues dancing, a normal social setting for me, and find a way to put my self-reflection to good use there.

The High Holidays are about getting a fresh start on your relationship with yourself, your spirituality, and your relationship with others for the new year. My spirituality has been very quiet lately, so for that reason I'm not drawn to services tonight. As for the other two pieces, they are a huge part of my Feldenkrais training. If you don't respect and understand yourself, you will be of no use to anyone when you put your hands on them. All they will feel is confusion. If you don't respect and understand the person your hands are on, there will be all sorts of trouble. It's all about learning how to know where you are (emotionally, physically, etc) and meet them where they are. There's no way for that to not apply to "real life".

Segment 6, Day 16: breakthrough!

I survived Week 3! It even came with a major physical breakthrough on Thursday...

For many many years, I've been working on strengthening the outside of my right hip so I could stabilize myself over my right leg. Those muscles basically shrunk away and went to sleep after my 5th grade surgery. Not being able to use those muscles means that when I stand over my right leg, it's very difficult for me to bring my left hip up so that my pelvis is situated evenly over my right leg. I tend to collapse into my right hip when I walk. It adds a piece to my limp, partially caused by that and partially caused by my right leg being an eight of an inch shorter than my left. My surgeon was fairly certain that those exterior hip muscles would be atrophied permanently. I think he even used the word paralyzed at some point.

Have I mentioned how much I love proving him wrong? If not, I really really really love proving him wrong. It's totally thrilling, even if he never finds out about it.

On Thursday afternoon we did a very odd ATM. We all sat on a corner of a seat (we used our FI tables) so that one hip was on the table and one hip was off the table. (Richard calls it the "half-assed" lesson. Hahaha.) We played with moving the hip that was not on the table in all different directions and seeing how we could coordinate those hip movements with torso and head movements. When I stood up and started walking, it felt almost like I was floating, because all of a sudden I could walk squarely over each leg with no collapsing in my right hip at all. The magic of Feldenkrais strikes again. For the few days, those muscles around my right hip felt wide awake, and the numb spot around my scar there felt itchy. Itchy numb spots are always a good sign on the road to recovery. It means there are connections being made again.

Of course, then Richard had to go and mess it all up with another ATM this morning that seemed to have nothing to do with what we did last week and just left me confused... Oh well. Good thing I've got an FI with Angel tomorrow. She can help me bring it back.