Throughout our training, Angel and Richard have talked a lot about an idea called "completing your self-image". I've always known it has something to do with figuring out who you are, but it never became actually clear until about 3 pm today when Angel told us a story. I love it, so I'm going to share it here.
One day, when she was in kindergarten, Angel raised her hand to write down the answer to a question on the board. Her teacher had her come up to the board and he walked to the back of the classroom to watch. When Angel reached the board, she panicked at being in front of the class and froze. The teacher was apparently having a bad day, because he got so mad at her for raising her hand and then not answering the question that he threw a wooden chair at her. It hit the board next to her and shattered. Looking back on it, she sees that as a day when her self-confidence shattered along with that chair.
Many years later, during her own Feldenkrais training, she was in Haifa, Israel finding some peace from the city (she was completing the last part of her training in Tel Aviv). She found an open field to sit in and think, and saw a tree across the field that looked like it had blackened leaves. Suddenly a grenade went off in the distance (common occurrence there), and the tree that had appeared to have blackened leaves now looked like a tree with no leaves, because hundreds of blackbirds had been scared by the grenade and abandoned the tree. Over the next few minutes, all the birds eventually returned to the tree until it looked like it had black leaves again.
Watching all of this, Angel realized that that's what "completing your self-image" means. It's picking up all the little pieces of yourself that flew away when something traumatic happened to you. It's letting go of the leftover trauma and making space for all those original pieces to fit in again.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Segment 4, Day 19: where did this month go?
Tomorrow is the last day of Segment 4. It always sneaks up on me when I'm not yet ready for it. I've certainly got plenty to figure out between now and Segment 5 though. This has been a loaded one.
The whole segment has been about learning how to teach ATM classes. At first glance, most ATMs seem relatively simple to teach, but as it turns out, there's a lot of technique behind it and lots of tricks to learn. They're not easy tricks, either. It's a ton of information to keep track of, combined with the ability to watch what your students are doing and tweak the lesson to fit them, as well as observing yourself and staying calm, present, and conversational in your tone and manner.
I was never thrilled about the idea of teaching ATMs. FI work has always interested me more, and teaching an ATM sounded too much like public speaking to appeal to me. We found out at the beginning of the segment that at the end we'd be doing ATM practicums - teaching the entire class a lesson and then getting feedback on it. That sounded completely terrifying to me a month ago. After a month of reframing how I looked at it, and getting to know the lesson I would teach exhaustively well, yesterday's practicum went surprisingly well. Above all, I didn't panic.
Afterwards, when our group was getting feedback (we each taught 15 minutes of an hour-long lesson to 16 people), Angel told me something that I certainly wasn't expecting. She told me a few things I should work on, but also said that I have "something to share with the world". She explained a little, and I think she means that I should share myself and my experiences with the world on a grander scale than I currently do (she likes grand ideas). I don't think she specifically meant via ATM classes, but she'd definitely push it if she got the chance. I asked my mom for advice and she agrees with Angel. "Give yourself a shove and go teach", she told me on the phone.
After tomorrow afternoon and a slight delay for paperwork, I'll be certified to teach public ATM classes and charge money for them, but first I've got some processing to do.
The whole segment has been about learning how to teach ATM classes. At first glance, most ATMs seem relatively simple to teach, but as it turns out, there's a lot of technique behind it and lots of tricks to learn. They're not easy tricks, either. It's a ton of information to keep track of, combined with the ability to watch what your students are doing and tweak the lesson to fit them, as well as observing yourself and staying calm, present, and conversational in your tone and manner.
I was never thrilled about the idea of teaching ATMs. FI work has always interested me more, and teaching an ATM sounded too much like public speaking to appeal to me. We found out at the beginning of the segment that at the end we'd be doing ATM practicums - teaching the entire class a lesson and then getting feedback on it. That sounded completely terrifying to me a month ago. After a month of reframing how I looked at it, and getting to know the lesson I would teach exhaustively well, yesterday's practicum went surprisingly well. Above all, I didn't panic.
Afterwards, when our group was getting feedback (we each taught 15 minutes of an hour-long lesson to 16 people), Angel told me something that I certainly wasn't expecting. She told me a few things I should work on, but also said that I have "something to share with the world". She explained a little, and I think she means that I should share myself and my experiences with the world on a grander scale than I currently do (she likes grand ideas). I don't think she specifically meant via ATM classes, but she'd definitely push it if she got the chance. I asked my mom for advice and she agrees with Angel. "Give yourself a shove and go teach", she told me on the phone.
After tomorrow afternoon and a slight delay for paperwork, I'll be certified to teach public ATM classes and charge money for them, but first I've got some processing to do.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Segment 4, Day 13: When Feldenkrais Gets Weird
We did a lesson this afternoon on learning how to expand your abdomen as your breathe in, expand your ribs as you breathe in, and expanding your head as you breathe in. Yes, I said expand your head. Basically, imagine a beach ball inside each, and as you inhale, blow up the beach balls so that all parts of your abdomen, ribs, and head expand equally in all directions. Very cool lesson.
Well, cool during the lesson. The aftereffects I'm not so sure about. I stood up and felt like I was floating (actually meant I was walking through my skeleton instead of working muscles too hard). Sometimes that floating feeling is really fun, but today it wasn't. It was really disconcerting. Along with floating, I felt like I had giant chipmunk cheeks, and some tension had let go behind and around my eyes that I didn't know had been there before. My eyes felt enormous. I didn't feel like myself and immediately started dreading the parent-teacher get-together happening at work this evening.
I got multiple comments from classmates saying I looked noticeably taller and that my eyes looked different. I went to look in the mirror, and it was true. I definitely looked taller and all the little creases around my eyes and eyebrows were gone. Talking felt strange too, as though my voice was coming from a different part of me than usual. I didn't have the same control of my lips I normally do.
The whole drive home (luckily I wasn't the one driving), I kept very quiet unless asked questions by my carpool-mates. It seemed like I was looking out of someone else's body - my eyes, my brain, my voice, but in the wrong context. I knew what was going on in this new body, but had no idea how to react to it or what to do with it.
Getting out of the car helped a lot. Walking from the car to my front door, I began to feel a little more settled in this new context. That was half an hour ago. I'm feeling a bit more like myself now, but a version with bigger more open eyes and very quick reflexes. Tonight's work event will be an adventure.
Well, cool during the lesson. The aftereffects I'm not so sure about. I stood up and felt like I was floating (actually meant I was walking through my skeleton instead of working muscles too hard). Sometimes that floating feeling is really fun, but today it wasn't. It was really disconcerting. Along with floating, I felt like I had giant chipmunk cheeks, and some tension had let go behind and around my eyes that I didn't know had been there before. My eyes felt enormous. I didn't feel like myself and immediately started dreading the parent-teacher get-together happening at work this evening.
I got multiple comments from classmates saying I looked noticeably taller and that my eyes looked different. I went to look in the mirror, and it was true. I definitely looked taller and all the little creases around my eyes and eyebrows were gone. Talking felt strange too, as though my voice was coming from a different part of me than usual. I didn't have the same control of my lips I normally do.
The whole drive home (luckily I wasn't the one driving), I kept very quiet unless asked questions by my carpool-mates. It seemed like I was looking out of someone else's body - my eyes, my brain, my voice, but in the wrong context. I knew what was going on in this new body, but had no idea how to react to it or what to do with it.
Getting out of the car helped a lot. Walking from the car to my front door, I began to feel a little more settled in this new context. That was half an hour ago. I'm feeling a bit more like myself now, but a version with bigger more open eyes and very quick reflexes. Tonight's work event will be an adventure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
